We cannot live unto ourselves. God says that a pastor should invest in his people. Any godly pastor could go into the worst area on earth and plant a thriving ministry in a very short time. How is this done? By investment. Where does investment start? Monday morning, he knocks on doors. Monday night, he knocks on doors.

Tuesday afternoon, he knocks on doors. Tuesday night, he knocks on doors, and on he goes. Investment! This is the way to build a church, and it’s the way to build a home. In a poll taken among married women from the general population, 50 percent of the women indicated that they have a poor self-image.

More than half of them felt unwanted. They also complained of feeling unloved. Most did not feel as though their husbands found them attractive. These women also made these statements:

“When we have sex, I feel that he exploits my body. I feel that he has sex just to fulfill himself. It isn’t mutual love that is flowing.� Half of the women surveyed felt exploited, unwanted, and undesirable to their husbands. They said that they often felt frustrated and bored with their lives. The men surveyed in the same poll said they felt unappreciated. They did not feel that their wives were good responders. Many felt that their wives were hard workers and took good care of the family, but they did not feel oneness with them.

The problem in both cases is that the souls are not right. The problem is not in the marriage; the problem is in the soul. When you get the soul right, the marriage gets right.

The Lord said in Genesis 2:24, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.â€� In Mark 10:8, Jesus said the same thing. We can either hear, believe, receive, and cleave, or we can have an impersonal faith in the Word of God and leave our spouseâ€"�or, at least, leave mentally. The word “cleaveâ€� means to become so one that you are always there to support and to love under all conditions. It speaks of being there in every situation. In Acts 2:1, the disciples were of one accord. In Acts 4:32, they had one heart and one soul. Why should it be any less in a marriage?

I believe that every single marriage can be the happiest marriage in the world! Every marriage can be one in which the fruit of the Spirit become the children. When there is abundant life in a marriage, there is not a single problem between the couple. The husband isn’t proud and arrogant. He doesn’t take advantage of his wife. She, in turn, feels wanted and loved dearly by him. She has self-esteem. He is kind to her.

He communicates with her, and they walk together without keeping secrets from one another. Husbands, there is nothing wrong with edifying your wife. Not only is a man to love his wife as Christ loved the Church, laying down his life in sacrificial love, (Ephesians 5:25), but a man ought to love his wife as his own flesh (Ephesians 5:28). To love her as his own flesh means that just as a man would never, on purpose, pound his finger with a hammer nor hurt himself emotionally (unless he was deceived by Satan’s vibrations, projections, and pressures), he should never consider hurting his wife in any way. He should only consider how to nourish and nurture her with all of the love and creativity the Holy Spirit gives him.

A husband must come to the understanding that his wife is insatiable and that she craves leadership. She wants to be edified and she wants him to communicate Christ to her. She will respond and give her husband Christ in return, because what is invested in her is what will come out of her.

In God’s order, the marriage comes before the assembly. Everyone ought to be faithful to attend services, but if a couple is having problems, they should take some time away for spiritual healing. A week together can turn a marriage around. They should go somewhere alone and find a place where they can have an intimate time with each other and with the Lordâ€"�just to pray and give themselves to each other under God’s umbrella.

When a woman wants to spend excess time in a relationship with another woman, she may be entering into a soul-power relationship. This kind of relationship is one based on sentimentality instead of truth.

A woman does not want to “marry� into sublimation: the husband plus the drinking, the husband plus his anger or his passive temperament toward her. She didn’t ask for that when she got married. She was told that he would love her, and both parties are to keep their vows to their own hurt. But she didn’t marry sublimation; she married a leader.

“…The head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God� (1 Corinthians 11:3). Jesus said, “I submit to My Father in every thought, in every word, in every moment. I submit to the Father, though I am God in My humanity.

I will always submit to the Father.� (See John 5:19, 30.) He also says to husbands, “I want you to submit to Me in your thoughts, in your words, in your deeds. Take spiritual leadership, spiritual initiation, and submit to Me.�

When a husband applies these truths to his life, the wife’s submission will be a normal response because what comes out of him goes into her. The wife responds because she was designed to respond. She appreciates because God designed her to appreciate.

The Bible says, “Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [your wives] according to knowledge…� (1 Peter 3:7). Every endeavor requires knowledge. To be a scientist, or a teacher, or a doctor, or a nurse requires certain kinds of knowledge. To drive a car requires certain knowledge.

To be a pastor requires certain knowledge. To be a good husband, you need to have knowledge about your wife, about marriage, and about God. You need to know what your wife needs. You require certain knowledge in order to be her spiritual head and to give her the abundant life.

The Scriptures do not say that she has to have the knowledge. It says that the husband needs to have the knowledge about sensitivity in sex, having mutual initiations without lusting and putting the woman on trial. When a man has sex with his wife in love, he should derive his pleasure from pleasing his wife. He must not lust after her in self-gratification; instead, he should enjoy coming together with his wife as one soul, one heart, one spirit, and one flesh without lusting.

“Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with [your wives] according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel…� (1 Peter 3:7). This means to esteem her highly. The wife is the husband’s darling. She is precious to him. She is his queen, and he is to give her leadership. The verse closes by saying, “…and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.�

When the husband dwells with his wife in knowledge and gives her honor as the weaker vessel, they grow as heirs together of the grace of God. They experience the grace of life together, being equal, with the exception of God’s provision for leadership in the home, which is for the wife’s protection. When this is understood, hallelujah, their prayers are not hindered! They can say to the mountain, “Be cast into the sea.� Their marriage is just one victory after another!

When two people enter into marriage, they become one soul, one heart, one mind, and one flesh. She came out of him; therefore, she is the glory of his body (1 Corinthians 11:7), which means she reflects what he gives her. She reflects the nature of God that he imparts to her, even as he is the glory of God.

What glory can be in a marriage when it is experienced in Christ’s nature! There is no passivity. No sublimation. There is not an odd kind of incompatibility because of missing ingredients. Instead, a marriage that thrives in Christ’s nature reflects all that God is to all of those who come in contact with it. It gives birth to the most beautiful “children�: love, joy, peace, and contentment.